John Pigglesworth master un-smart piglet
Bubble gum chewing, Green haired, psychotic, barbarian, doughnut eating, beast dude.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
68
Page 68. Character Creation (For Game Help see below)If you would like to make a character for this game please follow the following steps. 1. make sure that I’m still around (like if I posted yesterday or something). 2. send me an e-mail or otherwise get a hold of me. sendmedavid404145@hotmail(dot)com. Please note: dot means “.” 3. In the e-mail please state which of the pictures on this blog you would like as your character picture or if you would like me to randomly find a picture for you and add it in (If you do this you can’t change it, you can, however, specify what kind of picture you’d like and I’ll see what I can do). You get only 1 picture. In your e-mail please also include whatever text description of your character/and/or his or her achievements for me to write down in your post.
If you follow all of these steps and are extremely lucky I will add your character to a post in the game. For all of the post #’s of the various player’s characters in the game see below. To access your character simply click on your post number. If you would like to change any of the information or correct a spelling mistake, again, please follow the steps above and try to contact me.
Game Help
Please contact me with the e-mail address listed above. Please also make sure that I’m still around before doing so.
Player’s Characters in the Game:
Caurb -- see 69.
John Pigglesworth -- see 70.
Caurb -- see 69.
John Pigglesworth -- see 70.
67
Page 67.
Sorry! We haven’t made this part of the game yet. Please tell us to hurry up and make it. Unless we’re not even around then don’t bother.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
66
Page 66.
Laird Roberto smiles and smells like alcohol. “Thank you so much for defeating the 10 million Gargoyles of Ugly Doom *insert you name here* I couldn’t have done it without you.” “But I did it” you start to say and he interrupts you. “Just for that I’m giving you level 150.” “Sweet” you say. Please mark level 150 on your sheet and return to the City of Torm with smug confidence. 52.
65
Page 65.
You defeat all the gargoyles. In your triumph you yell and karate chop a stone wall. It really hurts. Please go to 62 and retry your challenge.
64
Page 64.
Death Rays always work. You win! Congratulations! Please mark 1 billion gp on your sheet and level 100. Then Please go to page 66. as Laird Roberto congratulates you.
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Page 62. The Hall of Glazed pink and purple Crystal Level 3
It is a wondrous sight indeed. Aquamarine statuettes in the shapes of apples, made of crystal. A Gargoyle of Ugly Doom jumps out at you! Before you know it you are being attacked by 9 million gargoyles of Doom! It is a mighty challenge. If you fight with your sword please go to 63. If you cast a spell of Death Ray please go to 64. If you use Kung Fu please go to 65.
61
Page 61.
Unfortunately 900,000 gargoyles are a bit too many to use commando tactics on. Please go to 58. and try again.
59
You succeed! You’ve defeated 900,00 gargoyles of Doom! Please mark level 50 and 100 million gold pieces on your sheet and proceed to page 62.
58
Page 58. The Hall of Glazed pink and purple Crystal Level 2
It is a wondrous sight indeed. Purple Crystals making Toilets. A Gargoyle of Ugly Doom jumps out at you! Before you know it you are being attacked by 900,000 gargoyles of Doom! It is a mighty challenge. If you fight with your sword please go to 59. If you cast a spell of ice please go to 60. If you use commando tactics please go to 61.
57
Page 57.
Congratulations! You’ve defeated 100,000 gargoyles of Doom! Please mark level 10 on your sheet and proceed to 58. Please also mark 1 million gold pieces down.
54
Page 54. The Hall of Glazed pink and purple Crystal.
It is a wondrous sight indeed. Crystals making up the walls and floor. So beautiful. A Gargoyle of Ugly Doom jumps out at you! Before you know it you are being attacked by 100,000 gargoyles of Doom! It is a mighty challenge. If you fight with your sword please go to 55. If you cast a spell of fire please go to 56. If you use commando tactics please go to 57.
53
Page 53.
The Laird of the land Roberto the daring is a level 600 rogue. He looks kind of like a rat and smells of alcohol. You nod his way and say “S-up” he says, “Dude, we’ve got a problem with Gargoyles. Would you mind killing 10 million of them?” If you say no please go to 52. If you say “Yes” and go to the Gargoyle’s lair under the city in a hall of purple and pink hazed crystal go to 54.
52
Page 52. The City of Torm
The rolling hill city of Torm is made out of the giant egg shells of ten thousand foot dinosaur dragons. Everyone in the city wears diamonds as big as your head from toe to heel. Many rich and powerful people stroll about paying you no heed. I’ll show them all you vow. If you would like to return to Gormp please go to 35. If you would like to ask about Ugly Gargoyles of Doom please go to 53. If you’ve already defeated the gargoyles please go to 66 if you wish.
51
Page 51.
Unfortunately it doesn’t work and you die. A fairy brings you back to life and you mysteriously float into the village of Gormp. Please turn to page 35. If you would like to try to fight the orcs again please go to 47.
50
Page 50.
Success! You defeat the 10,000 orcs. Please mark level 3 down on your sheet. You also receive 1000 gp. Congratulations! You’ve found the city of Torm. Please go to page 52.
47
Page 47.
Past the killer Gerbils you find 10 thousand orcs. If you would like to attack them screaming please go to 50. If you would like to run away 35. If you would like to hit them with a really big hammer please go to page 51.
46
Page 46.
You decide that the better part of valour is cowardice and run away. Please go to page 35. the town of Gormp.
45
Page 45.
The Golems yell “You are weak! You cannot defeat us!” and then squish you with their hob-nailed boots. You slink off in defeat to the village. Please go to 35. vowing revenge.
44
Page 44.
With your mighty combat skills and slick sword you totally destroy the two golem guards, laying waste to their magma bodies and melting half the landscape in the process. An angry druid confronts you. “Dude!” he yells, “You killed my prize fern!” “No I didn’t!” you scream “It’s over there!” you point your sword at the fern. “Oh” he says and his face falls. “Ah well” he shrugs and raises his staff anyways. “I guess I’ll just have to kill you for no reason then. If you are level 150 please go to 48. If not please go to 49.
43
Page 43.
The Gerbils all catch fire and make a yummy breakfast. Please go to 47. as you continue your valiant adventure. Please mark level 2 on your sheet.
42
Page 42.
Your sword isn’t enough to stop the ravenous Gerbils. Please go to 35. as you are dragged badly wounded back to the village. Or go back to 33. to fight the Gerbils again.
41
Page 41.
You defeat the man in silver. It is a glorious battle. He has 1 gp. Please go to page 35.
40
Page 40.
The wraiths trail after you as you plummet 1000 feet into the canyon of doom and mists screaming all the way down never to be heard from again. Please go to 1. and restart.
39
Page 39. King George the Good Guy’s Castle
You climb up many stone staircases until you find King Good Guy George crying on his solid platinum throne. “S-up” you say. He wails and says “The Evil Archibald has stolen away my daughter Sherel!” “Dude!” you yell. “She’s my girlfriend! This is serious.” He nodes his head. “I know.” “Give me 1 million gp and I’ll go rescue her” you say with surety in your voice. He shakes his head. “Too pricey man.” You stare at him incredulously then say, “Sherel means more to me than you. I’ll go find the 1 million gold pieces myself. Please go to 17. as you look for money. If you’d rather return to the village of Gormp please go to 35. if you’ve already defeated the killer gerbils please go to 47.
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Page 38. Guard Captain Winston.
Guard Captain Winston has a white mustache. “Hi” you say. “S-up” he says. He walks away. You shrug and decide to find something else to do. Please go to 35. The Town of Gormp.
36
Page 36.
Congratulations! You’ve just found the secret item: Sword of Megadeath. Please write this down on your sheet. It boosts your level by 5.
35
Page 35. The Village of Gormp
Gormp is a small town. The huts are made of wood, mud, and various forms of decaying fecal matter. Everything smells of sawdust. To the north you can see the castle of King Good Guy George who is the father of your beloved princess Sherel. In the mountains farther to the north you can see the Castle of Doom, home of your arch nemesis Archibald the Evil, lightning bolts strike its upper turrets and there’s a scream. To the south you can see the pleasantly green boughs of the trees of Noob Forest. To the West lie the Dungeons of Chaos and to the East is the Swamp of Putrid Death.
In the town itself you can see the Captain the guard Winston and the owner of the weapons and santa hat shop. Charles the Bold.
To go to Noob Forest please go to 17. If you would like to go to Castle Doom please go to 34. If you would like to go shopping at Charle’s shop please go to page 30. If you would like to visit the Castle of King George the Good Guy please go to 39.
34
Page 34. Count Archibald’s Castle of Doom
There’s a guard made of molten magic glowing and spitting sparks of fairy dust at the entrance. If you are level 100 please go to 44. If you are lower than level 100 please go to page 45. If you would rather run away screaming please go to 46.
33
Page 33. Gerbils
Congratulations you’ve found the battle chain quest! If you attack the Gerbils with your sword please go to 42. If you cast a fire ball spell on them please go to 43.
32
Page 32.
You attack the man in silver. Unless you are level 10 you lose. Please go to page 1. and restart. If you are level 10 Please go to page 41.
31
Page 31. Victory!
You defeated the man in silver! Congratulations! He spits and runs away “This isn’t over!” he screeches. You find 1 gp he dropped on the ground while fleeing. Please go to 40. the Town of Gormp.
30
Page 30. Charles’ the Bolds Weapons Shoppe
You enter a really big store. It has all kinds of stuff. Please feel free to buy whatever you can afford with your gold pieces. Marking it down without paying for it is stealing.
Cool Santa Hat 5 gold.
A sword. 1 gold.
Your own trained piglet 10 gold.
A magical necklace that lets you fly 1000 gold.
A mirror that can reflect magic 1 million gold.
A horse that can carry you into the netherworld so you can fight Archibald your arch-nemesis. 1 billion gold. If you buy this please go to page 29.
29
Page 29. Magic Horse
You fly on your magic horse into the netherworld. A load of wraiths fly howling out at you trying to kill you. They vaporize your flying horse. If you have a necklace of flying please go to 67. and do battle. If you don’t please go to 40.
27
Page 27.
Amazingly you defeat the trolls! You find 1000 pieces of gold and a magical necklace that enables you to fly.
Before you can do anything else a strange vapour wafts over you and you feel yourself transported to a strange hill. A wizard on the hill says “Dude.” You say “Dude” he says “What?” You say “I was winning man!” He says “Sorry.” You say “That’s okay.” Then he says, “There’s something you need to know.” Please go to 24.
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Page 26. A Decision is Made.
She/he nods his/her head in agreement. “A wise decision.” You then decide that to finance your mission of destroying your arch enemy Prince Archibald the Dark you will need at least 1 million gold pieces. To get this you must fight monsters or beg it off the king. If you would like to fight monsters please go to 17. If you would like to beg it off the king please go to 39.
25
Page 25.
Destiny flys down with a pitchfork and hits you in the rear. You scream and fight back. It’s a bloody battle but you come out on top. You have 1 hit point remaining. Please mark this down on your sheet. Next please decide what you would like to do:
Talk to someone else 38. or Go and look for something to fight 17.
24
Page 24. The World’s Explanation
“When the world of Ultimate Adventure Online was young there wasn’t much to see. Couple of monsters. Bit of treasure. Not much overall. But down the years the world has evolved into a place of heroes and monsters. Fell beasts and swords. There are mountains and hills and stuff and if you’re very lucky maybe the villain of the story Archibald the Great will kill you. If l you’re even luckier you might find the rare magical blade “Pilsner the Mighty” which is the only weapon that can kill Archibald. Archibald seeks to marry Princess Sherel your girlfriend after which he plans to nuke the world with his deadly wand of disintegration. You must stop him. If you don’t everyone will die. Even now he is in the castle attempting to steal Princess Sherel away from King Good Guy George.”
Would you like to say: “Hah, I laugh in the face of Destiny!” 25. or “Okay, I’ll do that then” 26.
23
Page 23.
Screaming a blood thirsty battle cry you fall on the monsters like a deranged weasel and utterly destroy them. Among your victims are a killer weasel, a dragon, and a very small overly shriveled dumpling hamburger of doom +3. You receive a level up to level 2 and 1000 gold pieces. Please mark these down somewhere. For your additional special reward please go to secret page number 36. then return here and choose to press on in the Dungeon of Chaos 37. or Run screaming. 22.
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Page 22. Running Away.
You run vertically up the 200 foot deep slick wall of slime and then run past all the super powerful level 54 golems and stone guards. You escape the Dungeon of Chaos and flee into the town of “Gormp” which is where your story began. Please go to page 35. The village of Gormp.
21
Page 21.
You attempt to bash your head into the jail bars and amazingly enough succeed at smashing them in. Outside the jail the sergeant of the guard “Winston” catches you. You look up at him with fear in your eyes and he says: Please go to page 24.
20
Page 20. You scream for Help.
An amazingly beautiful warrior woman comes to your rescue and as you’re patting yourself on the back for this amazing triumph and feat of skills she says “The other day my dog died.” “I’m so sorry” you say. She then tells you a little about the world. Please go to page 24.
19
Page 19. You go to sleep.
As you sleep an assassin sent by your arch-nemesis Archibald the Evil pricks you with a poisoned needle. You die. Please go back to 1. to restart your adventure.
18
Page 18. Princess Sherel
You go into the castle of King Good Guy George and climb up about a billion staircases then find the Princess Sherel in her room combing her hair. She’s your girlfriend. You say “S-up.” She says “Not much, you?” you say “Not much, bro.” You’re about to make out with her when your arch enemy count Archibald the evil appears in the room. He climbs out the window then realizes he’s gone the wrong way and snatches up the Princess. She screams. He laughs “Mwa ha ha ha!” You stand there and do nothing. “You’ll never see Princess Sherel again” he says then climbs out the window. You let him escape. He runs into the hills and locks Sherel in his fortress. The Castle of Doom. You decide it would probably be a good idea to go and rescue her but first you might need to gain some levels so you clean people’s boots for xps. Next you tell the King, her father, who totally freaks out. Then you decide you need money to go rescue her with supplies and stuff because her father is too cheap to give you 1 million gp. Before you go out and fight monsters a wise wizard puts a hand on your shoulder and tells you something. Please go to 24. to find out what he tells you.
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Page 17. Forest of Noobs
You wander to the south of town and find the “Forest of Noobs” There are five thousand killer gerbils in it. If you want to fight them please go to 33. If you say “This forest is for Noobs" and go looking for the “Castle of Count Archibald the villain of the whole story himself” please go to 34.
16
Page 16.
“Please give me dough man!” you whine at a guy in silver armor. He spits on the ground “Never, you pig” he says. So you attack him 32. or go wander away and try to beg money off of someone else 24.
15
Page 15. You find 20 gp!
Please mark this down on your sheet. What would you like to do now?
Go shopping 30. Talk to someone 24. or go find a monsters to fight 17.
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